October 17.

After making a huge show in the town killing the man with the magic-negating dagger that another group was also seeking and then fleeing along the south road that only leads to Calimport, the part was surprised to find themselves ambushed two days later on that same road. It was by their nemesis, Kalina, along with Darnell and two other fighter types. Sadly, the party prevailed again. Kalina escaped after her compatriots fell and it became apparent that a rogue with a magic-negating dagger is not something she could handle herself.

After spending a few days to train in the desert, the party headed into Calimport on the 11th of Tarsakh, the fourth month. There they found the city was in civil war. Syl-Pasha Osmin Persarkhal rules all of Calimshan, but his older brother Suleiman, lost for twenty years, just walked into the city several days ago. He was snatched up by the pashas who were not in the favor of Osmin, and war is in the streets on his behalf. Whether Suleiman even wants to rule is not the issue. Whenever there is question over who belongs on the throne, there will be blood.

The party recalls the goat they met who had really been the son of a pasha polymorphed into a goat. They put the man back to how human, and he set off for Calimport. Putting two and two together, the party might have felt some small about of responsibility for what happened.

They found Lankyforpot and Restis barricaded in their room at the inn. Those two desperately wanted to return to Candlekeep and get away from the war. They learned that the part should probably take their newly found items and climb the Tel, the lonely mountain. Other than that, they would continue to help from Candlekeep as much as they could. Eron used his new spell Teleport to take them back.

From there, the party took advantage of the war to sell the weapons and armor they took from the men they killed at an extra profit.

Then they headed northwest to the Tel. It's hard to miss this mountain. It is massive. Civilizations could be formed, destroyed, lost, found, lost again, found again, and have a misinterpretation of their religion taken out of context for a big movie thousands of years later on this mountain.

The party started out with a plan of flying, but high winds and areas devoid of magic made that rather difficult. It was a long hike. They avoided major conflict by paying a toll even though the dark one was in favor of taking on an entire tribe of dark Gulgars rather than spend 400 gold. They also bravely hid from some flying critters. They encountered a small wild magic zone, but sadly no one was sent to another plane or anything like that.

As they neared the top, they encountered an Efreet named Haaziq. Haaziq's purpose was to prevent anyone from going to the very top. He could not identify the source of his command, but to him defending this mountaintop was as natural to him as breathing might be to the party. He was polite to them, and offered encouragement when they picked him apart. After he was destroyed, they climbed to the top. The top was a flat area about fifty feet in diameter with a ring of thorny white roses on the ground. They crossed over the ring and found in the center of the ring a beautiful woman standing totally motionless except for her long black hair that was caught in the wind. There was an opening where her heart should be. After experimenting briefly with the rose and the dagger, the party put the iron heart in her chest. She came to life, though without a name or memory she did not have much to say. The party asked her about the location of the temple after offering her the rose. She took the rose and threw it off the mountain where it floated in the breeze in the sort of way that most iron things do not. Then she disintegrated with the comment that her purpose is completed. The party needed to follow the rose, and this involved some moments of confusion until one turned into a wyvern, carried the monk to the bottom of the mountain and the race was on. Eventually the rose landed a few miles from the monk, but there was a large blast of sand that the monk easily spotted. With a couple days of teleporting about, the entire party eventually arrived at the landing point on the 23rd of Tarsakh.

There they found an octagonal door, and the rose had apparently been destroyed. Approaching the door was agony, and no one could get within 15 feet except the rogue. Immediately figuring out the puzzle, the rogue walked forward and stabbed the dagger into the lock of the door. The door and the dagger were both destroyed, and there was a hole in the ground.

They found themselves on the top of a tower of a wall. Normally this tower would guard the area inside the wall from things outside the wall. Being underground in some sort of bubble, the wall and tower weren't all that useful. There is a magical light source in the center of this huge chamber, which allows the party to see the little river and pond, the fountain, the stables, and the huge temple of Menodora.

The wizard snuck up on some girls covered in black robes that where chatting as girls do. Then at night they sent the rogue to investigate the stables. He found a little pseudodragon named Rillanon. Rillanon was the victim of a teleport spell gone bad. He was teleported mostly inside this cavern, but the tips of his left paw and his wing were caught in the wall. Those were lost, and presumably the wizard who cast the spell as well. He's been hanging out here eating fish for about five years. He walks a lot because flying is hard. After meeting the wizard, he agreed that the wizard is a homosexual and that his hood would be a nice place to nap.

They felt that these people were ok, and approaching them openly might be a good idea. Oddly, they found the girls by the fountain lacked skin or flesh of any sort. They were very nice, and utterly oblivious to their lack of flesh. They told the party to head on into the temple and look around.

First they walked about the halls of the first floor, then they ventured into the main sanctuary. There they met Durgham, an old man who has the title of Protector of the Temple, but he is just busy dusting. He has no idea that Menodora does not truly exist anymore. He remembers when the temple was in a tropical paradise, but he thinks it was just a few years ago. He has all the important skin parts, but he does look unbelievably old.

There is a trap door where the altar used to be. It has a lever and four holes. Each hole is marked with a symbol. A tear, a sphere, a rose, and a skull. They have been warned not to pull the lever because it is "shocky," but no one has ever thought to find something denoted by these symbols.

From there they head over to the room of Badra, the high priestess. She is lounging in bed, and she has some interest in the rogue because all women love rogues. She is as oblivious as the rest of them regarding the fall of Menodora. She thanks them for their warning that a sorceress may be coming in here to steal things (leaving out that the party is there for the same thing), but seems unconcerned.

From there they happen across some priests having lunch. They join them and dine on some things with odd magical effects. Then they head into the kitchen to find there isn't a single bit of food in it. There are no ingredients, just pots and pans that are hung from the wall and covered in dust.

Then they find where the servants once played cards. A ghostly dealer offers the table to them, and they take it. They find themselves playing a game strangely much like black jack, but in this they are betting strength, experience, etc. Parts of their lives are disappearing or coming back stronger. It's a great way to kill some time.

Then they met an older student, struggling with her classes. She enjoys the pie, but the party finds the pie is an illusion. These people are in some sort of delusion, obviously.

Then they find the Sun Brother, a red fellow from some other world. He has a red stone shaped like a rose, but he is not willing to give it up. He is polite and is willing to talk to the party, just not surrender the stone. His name is Alec, and he came here to study from another world when the sand suddenly appeared everywhere. The party left him, thinking they make have to return for the gem.

Then they met the man who defends the door. He is a nice guy. He has a two handed sword that can cut off his head, and he has his own longsword. He offers the two handed sword to anyone who wants to get past him, and they just need to cut off his head while he defends himself. They felt bad about killing him, so they left him.

Then they discovered the room where some skeletal teachers were teaching skeletal students how to pleasure each other properly. Odd things happen in the temple of a goddess of seduction afterall, particularly when teaching future priests how to take advantage of other people. Then they found the auditorium where the students can put on plays, some other class rooms, and a chemistry lab. They found some people who were all normal, young, pretty flesh, those who had no flesh, and those who had young flesh on parts of their bodies while the other parts were skeletal. It's good the rogue did not pull back the sheets to hang out with the high priestess.

Finally they went upstairs to find the fencing instructor named Vincentio. They were told he may have a sphere. Indeed he did. He was teaching the students to fence while dancing. He wore a very tight vest and pants over a puffy shirt. The pants and vest were made from the sort of material would cover a grandmother's sofa. He had on bracers, but no other armor. He was more than willing to fight the party, and unwilling to hand over the sphere. He was almost looking for a fight. He sent the children away. In his right hand he held the rapier, in his left a short sword. He was the incarnation of speed with those two weapons, and he gave the party quite a battle. However, between the incredible damage from the Chain of Absurdity and the wizard polymorphed into the Tumbling Hydra, eventually the hero who taught children was worn down and killed. The party, in their standard fashion, looted his body and left.



I had a good time with it, and I hope all you did as well. Sorry for going so late. I may have stopped before the fight, but most of you looked eager to kill something.

Since the wizard has been lax in his duties lately....


That's right, bitches. Sadly, I don't think she'll be as fearful of me next time.


Like music to my ears. I was pleased with the haul we got from that pile of stuff.



Note that "dark one" is synonymous with "brave one". I'm all about sneaking around, but only when it helps us turn a profit or further our goals. Especially when I have the option of lobbing a bunch of arrows from a perimeter around the melee. Bunch o' sissies.


I still wish the wizard had chosen me instead. That would've been fun.


Of course I immediately figured it out. I'm frickin' awesome. (I think the latest pseudodragon is rubbing off on me a little bit.)


I'm ecstatic that a high priestess totally wanted me. I'm saddened by the implication that she was missing some important lady parts.


I am torn on the ability point swap that I absorbed (-2 WIS, +1 INT). My Will save went down (booo), but I now get more skill points (in addition to the 10 I won gambling, yay for the party's having a better rogue).


This was freakin' awesome. Too bad only the wizard was manly enough to join me in the epic gambling session. In all, I think I came out ahead (-2 STR, +2 DEX, +2 INT, +10 skill points, -100 XP). I really wish I had gambled 4 STR instead of 2 on that last hand.


I see what you did there.


I thought about it. I may have even gone through with it despite what I discovered.


No love for the rogue with his 4 attacks, huh? I guess I'll just go back to disarming traps and stealing from the innocent.


I'm surprised there was no mention of the wizard's near-constant fascination with hard, erect nipples. Anyway, I had a fantastic time. I thought this was one of our most fun sessions. Sorry my analysis wasn't as humorous as what the wizard usually posts.

"The brave rogue"?

I don't know why this made me giggle...

I should have assumed it would be on google news, which the sorceress presumably has access to as her last 5th level spell slot, next to Teleport and Feeblemind!

But in seriousness, we should get some pegasi, and stop this shit where we start out in medium range with a surprise round jammed up our ass. Though the sorceress had her ear to the ground and was laying low, we'll eventually have foes who won't even need to care about that. I also have a spell to buy that will help with this kind of ambush *greatly*, pegasi or not.



Well, we didn't lose. The 25% chance to not permanently have an Int and Cha of 1 came up, so I count it a victory!




Damn straight. Next time I think we'll be able to kill her.



Silly, silly Pasha. Say Pasha. Paaasha. Pashaaa. pAsha. Pa-SHA!

Paawwwwwshuh



Well, I still feel responsible. I did a good deed! Yay! The subsequent actions taken by tyrannical slavers over this guy's return to non-goathood are not my concern, except that I'm ok lighting them all on fire, which has pretty much been my take on Calimport's leadership from the start. Pretty sure the whole place counts as lawful evil one way or another, so if you guys want to help me end their slavery and such, we might have an in as one of the potential leaders sort of owes us a favor. We could make that civilization a little less shitty. Hollar if you are up for it. We need some practice before we fix Thay guys!



The horrible part was, we left them with FOUR priests, but they had to draw lots....



I slept in a nice bed that night! Even if I hadn't have had one teleport, I think I would have fibbed about it.



Well, that's only because we couldn't sell anything from the woman we killed, cause she jetted away.

Like a bitch.



Though, the last time we were out there, it wasn't mentioned...



Don't change the topic! Also, stop flirting with me on the forum!



This is probably in your top 80 lines, by the way. I mean, you have some good ones, and some are better, but I've grinned all three times I read this, so it's gotta be up there.



Yea, yea.



Quite honestly if the whole tribe was there ready to kick our asses, I would have gone with the invisibility through them plan. Or fly over their stupid heads. That's actually really dangerous- I thought we were paying just so we wouldn't have to kill some exotic sentient rocks. If the entire crew is hitting us up for money, that's not a village, that's like, a gang.



Well, it's not like we were hired to blow up all the hostile fauna. Arrowhawks are cool too! And besides, why clean them up, to keep the toll-gar safe? Fuck that.



Alacritous Cogitation is the feat that keeps on giving. I really like that one, because when something stupid happens I don't have to blow a damned scroll just because my rope trick was an Elemental Plane of Water Trick.



He was pretty polite! But not polite enough to willfully fail his save on dismissal.



She did *not* have hard nipples. Eron Valence, asking the hard questions that other players are AFRAID TO ASK.



I did ask again if her nipples got hard.

I'm fair, and balanced!



I was mostly glad she didn't say "FETCH".



This was great, because though I didn't know it, the rogue was losing XP each day for not murdering me. I eventually scooped up the monk after his fly wore off. It was like that problem where you have a wolf and a sheep and a shepherd and a boat- it's like, I can take the monk, or the monk AND the rogue, but if I take just the rogue then I get stabbed, so how many wyvern trips does it take to get the entire party to watch the rogue?



Ah little familiar, wait until the high levels, when I have free feats to share spells with you! Also, I have a plan to demonstrate my manhood by getting with one of the semi-undead, 6000 year old, perpetually horny coeds of the Selfish Goddess. I'm pretty sure this is a good plan guys!



We made it clear that she wanted to steal things for really bad purposes, whereas we generally try to find the answer that doesn't involve doing whatever the hell the sorceress and her boss are about. Which meant that the whole thing was stepping lightly about the fact that we are kind of talking with the shadowy remnants of people, tattered psyches left over from time immemorial, and we can't mention that their beloved goddess is dead so long that everyone has forgotten her.



Isn't GHOST MEAL the new taco bell promo?



I lost a total of 10 skill points and 6 max hit points, but gained 2 Con. I think I also lost 100 XP. For more losses than wins, that sure turned out ok.



I'm going to open with a Charm Monster. Odds aren't good, but it might work.



I'm really doubting that charm monster will be helpful here. This guy sounds pretty tough. We also still need to find the last dude who has one.



The closest we get to porn, and the naughty bits are all boned out!



I'm thinking, you settle for oral. It's just one of those things, you know? Girl is too tight, or sore, or on her period, or lacks flesh below the waist and is older than all current human civilizations. You work around it!



Most Sofa's don't have a Dex of 28 though.



The Hydra didn't do much here, actually. I think I might have had the killing blow, but I spent several rounds buffing and attacking before running out of spells. I mean, I had a fireball, which had a 5% chance to deal half damage and a 95% chance to be evaded, and a scorching ray which I could hit on a 20 with (I get two shots!), but after haste and luminous swarm were active, and Fire and Brimstone went off for a mighty 14, I was out of spells that could affect things. I should probably get Blur and Displacement and lead off with those for these fights- one each on the fighter types and they would be taking less damage. Instead I figured that the 20% miss chance on luminous swarm would come up once over 20 hits, but hey, why not be well into the sub 1% chances?



Yea, that was great man! I'm really liking the temple, this is hella spooky and cool. I didn't think the temple of a long dead goddess would end up like this, at all. That's why when the full magnitude of this quest hit, I was like, this game is so good.

Nice. That's actually pretty funny. And it gives me a chance to think about how I can trick all of you into thinking that I'm just standing around innocently while I'm actually off plotting the wizard's demise.


Gotta be in the crypt.


ERROR DIV BY 0!!!

Oh but Jon you forgot about the great Hydra tumble, I wouldn't call that nothing. Plus Mark's additional explanation of one of the heads doing a fist pump has had me giggling since Saturday.

I honestly don't remember most of Sunday. I know I shot some photos which actually turned out pretty cool and had lunch with some of you but it's all kind of fuzzy. I haven't been that tired in a long time. I was hallucinating on the drive home from Boulder.