Moral.

Duh. Obviously.

In the words of the great American pop artist Rebecca Black, it's Friday.

The maps are up on the fid subforum. They are scans, as you would expect.

I'll still get to the vector thing at some point, but it doesn't look nice.

"Who doesn't love someone in a wolf shirt?" I thought as I made my way into the comic book store. It was a nice place - poorly lit, smelled like shoes, and was packed full of shit mothers tried to throw out. I browsed some old games that never made the light of day, and then I happened by some Magic cards. I browsed their rares, but didn't see anything I didn't already have. I checked out some various d20 gaming systems. Having performed the ritual and let the store owner see I was clearly someone with whom to be reckoned (it's better than the old method of sniffing butts), I made my way to the counter.

He had black hair in a silky smooth pony tail. Much like myself, it appeared he had not seen daylight cast upon his flesh in many a year. I made very strong eye contact that indicated I was the alpha dog with the wolf on his shirt. I could tell he was intimidated. Then began the conversation that involved words we think are normal. I believe I once said "I was in RFK when a n00b guild tried to zerg my alt lock, but I just kited the first Leeroy and then one right after the other. I was in aggro of the boss they were after, so I sheeped that and it dropped a blue. I rofled so hard I was QQing." Damn I felt good about myself.

Then I saw the wolf eyes turn to the door, and my gaze followed suit. There she was... and I knew at once my life was changed forever. She wore black and white striped tights, a midnight skirt, and a dark grey halter top. Her attire alone piqued my interest, but her form... I immediately want to lose myself in any of those curvy rolls down her sides. She stood about 5'2" and was roughly the same to the side. She smiled, and I could see my unborn children in her braces. I gripped the counter firmly with both hands so I could resist the urge to climb on her back and grab her black pigtails. 8 seconds? I could stay there for 8 lifetimes.

She walked over to the counter, her deep blue eyes locked on the wolf eyes, and she said in a deep, raspy voice that also had the "sh"'s indicative of someone not accustomed to their braces, "Hi, I'm Molly. I called about the beta test for the next WoW expansion." I don't know what happened after that because I swooned.

I awoke to see her face over mine. My ears didn't function yet but I thought she might be saying something like "Hey, are you ok?" Her rolls were pressed up against me. Her bare rolls... god bless halter tops... I felt the blood rushing from my brain and going somewhere else. I swooned again.

I awoke some time later, and she was still there. She looked concerned. I did not see the wolf anywhere. She offered me some water. "Thank you, Molly. I'm sorry for swooning like that. It's just that I was overcome by your beauty, and then you asked about the beta test and... I was just overloaded."

"You think I'm beautiful?"

"Oh yes, yes, a thousand times yes!"

"Wow. Most people say I'm fat."

"I know! You are so gloriously fat!"

She slapped me. "You're calling me fat?!"

"Er, yes. You're quite fat."

"You said I was beautiful!"

"You are! Fat is beautiful!"

"Oh. Um, ok then. Let's go get something to eat. I haven't had anything since I left my house."

"I have mashed potatoes in my car."

She smiled a wicked little smile.....

I really need to avoid drinking anything while reading these updates. It gets expensive.

So there I was, handcuffed to my bed, covered in mashed potatoes, delicious gravy, and some sort of sweat-based ooze that comes out of the folds of fat people, watching my dog lick the gravy off my genitals in the early dawn light, and wondering where I went wrong. It had been a wonderful evening exploring her unbelievable surface area right up until she just sort of left me there handcuffed. Then she got up, packed up my computer, and got on a bus. I know what she was doing because she was telling me what she was doing while she was doing it. The last thing she said before she left was to ask me about the bus schedule around here. I thought she was joking for a while until I saw she really was stealing my computer.

I had a lot of time to myself. My first thought was when to think someone might be stopping by who could rescue me. I realized I wasn't expecting a guest until mid 2013, and that could be a problem. Then I considered the mailman, and I figured I'd just have to shout when he came by in the afternoon. I wondered, why did this sort of thing keep happening to me? Is the author of my life just completely out of new plot lines, or does he find it absolutely fascinating that I am apparently attracted to women who will invariably ruin me? I also wondered about my computer. I would miss him terribly. I hoped he would have a happy life. My dog decided that there was a lot of gravy in the sheets, and she took those away despite my protests. It was a bit chilly.

Eventually I heard the mailman, and I shouted. I managed to convey to him that I needed help. He was a delightful fellow who arranged for the police, the fire department, and the EMTs to arrive at my house and beat down the door all at once. I was delighted to say hello to all 7 people who stormed into my bedroom. This easily ranked as the 9th most embarrassing moment of my life. Eventually they got me uncuffed and took my statement. I think the officers found it a bit more amusing than they should have, but then they told me that they've heard of this girl before. I was not the first, though they admitted the mashed potatoes were new.

After they left, I realized I would need a new computer. Properly, I should order one online, but I wouldn't be able to get anything for days. I couldn't wait that long, so I headed off to Best Buy. I browsed the aisles, and I wept. I could not believe the computers the sheep buy. Nothing had a rainbow on it, and nothing was remotely powerful enough. I looked at the best they had and saw the price. This was... wrong. I needed a computer, but I just could not bring myself to buy this.

I went home and decided I would order online. I would just get priority shipping and wait it out. I went over to the internet and FUCK! I don't have a computer! How the hell am I supposed to order a fucking computer online if I don't have a computer!?! I went back to Best Buy. An employee saw that I was on Newegg and told me I'd have to leave. I asked if he played Wow. He said he did. I asked him his name, and he said it was Bobby_Fett. I told him I would kill him, and then I left.

I heard a rumor that libraries still exist and they might have computers. I set out to find out, and eventually I had to ask an old woman. She knew right away. So I went into the community library, got a sunburn on the way in, and looked for their computers. I had to sign up, and then wait, and they only gave me half an hour. WTF? It would take half an hour to install Firefox on this slow piece of shit. I'm not sure, but I think it might have been a 486. Still, I just managed to get in my order. Rush order, overnight shipping. Still, it wouldn't go out until the next day and I had 48 hours to kill without a computer.

What was I going to do for 48 hours?

Another fantastic entry. Brilliance here:

I can't discount "the 9th most embarassing moment".

Most amused by "surface area".