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January 2, 2016
"So why were them prisoners full o' arrows?" asked Flods.
Divine Jonril responded directly into his mind as only a god can do, "During my absence, the unicorns turned most morose. They were unable to adequately guard the prisoners, and they turned their minds to a solution even as they felt their souls in darkness without me. They sought out the pixies, and they came upon Stralerus, Bisnerin, and Torfit. The unicorns told the pixies of the honor of serving me on this mortal plane, and the pixies were moved to tears of joy by their words. Though busy with their meaningless mortal tasks of making arrows, harvesting berries, and other such things, they came to join my service and aid the unicorns."
"Well I don't see what a few pixies could do to full grown men. Aren't they like... butterflies?"
"No, my young acolyte. They have the power to put the weak flesh of mortals into a deep slumber or, though I consider this a favor, forget their entire meaningless lives."
"Wow. That's pretty good! If I forgot everything, that would be great! Well, except for where the water rats are. Or my house. Would I know where I live? I guess it don't matter none. I ain't gonna see pixies out here. So what did you do when you came back up to find those men with arrows in their butts?"
"I was, in truth, taken aback. The pixies who had served me well asked for compensation for the several days spent guarding prisoners as well as the arrows spent in this task. Service to me should be its own reward, but I understand they must spend this gold to perpetuate their lives to serve me further. My pretty servant and my knightly servant, speaking on behalf of my own divine treasury, did deign to deny them such. The female servant eventually spoke reason, and they did so compensate the pixies. Battle and a schism in my church were narrowly averted. Then they took the oath of the prisoners that they would no longer hunt unicorns, disorientated them, and sent them on their way.”
"So then you done come over here? To Port Hemstin?"
"Nay, not yet. I decreed that my servants should escort me to Whitestone so that its people may worship me. Because my servants trod upon Abril, we encountered terrible undead things attacking some sort of messenger from the human nation of Borden. The messenger and his guards had shuffled off their mortal coils. Or had them ripped off by these ugly ghouls. The messenger carried written letters, and in them, my servants found a sad tale. It seems a young man left his home in a town called Wolfwater after the death of his parents. His name was Landon Cooper, and he had traveled to this island of Borden and joined their navy, which I believe is how humans cause death to each other while over water. His wealth and stature among these people had grown, and he expressed a desire to make amends with his sister, Amelia, in Wolfwater. He died upon the sea as my divine brother Pilato brought a storm and sent him to meet my sister, Orla. His wealth and notes were dispatched to this sister. It is so tragic that he did not have the opportunity to subjugate himself to me before descending to the realm of the dead.”
"Oh, that is tragic. My grandpappy was a ship guard on the Padraic Sea. He met a similar fate."
"He died in a storm at sea?"
"No, a tree fell on the hut and crushed him in his bed."
"The fate of sailors is so bound to storms whether upon the water or land."
"Oh, no there wern't no storm. His neighbor Dawk were cutting it down. Dawk swore he knew how to cut down a tree to fall one way and not the other, but he was some crosseyed sumbitch."
"Yes. Let us return at this time to the telling of my story. We entered Whitestone-"
"Ya'll didn't take the letter up to Wolfwater?"
"No, and upon forfeiture of this fleeting moment you call life, never again interrupt a god. I ordered my servants to continue on as planned. As a god, I must consider Abril as a whole, not the fates of individuals. These letters can be delivered by lesser servants, or perhaps my servants could bear them at a future date more convenient to our pursuits. We arrived in Whitestone on the 15th day of Winter's Reach. My servants attempted to hire a messenger, but they declined to deliver the official correspondence of another nation as though these human boundaries are of any real meaning. Then I sent my servants into the human hive to find information. The knightly servant found a person who knew a man named Rumen Eckers, but among mortals it is evidently important to match both portions of the name. The arcane servant met a bard in an inn called the Laughing Queen. The bard called himself Gideon Deprans, and he told us of an old song that mentioned Rumen Lel. The song is from the early days of Port Hemstin, 65 years before the Borden invasion of the mainland. The beautiful princess Oliansa, after having been married, was returning to Badenscoth to visit her family. An ancient red dragon of the name Horalandorvic saw this princess and was taken by her beauty. I do not understand how a dragon could find a human woman so beautiful, but this dragon is clearly of weaker mind than I. Horalandorvic pursued this young woman and her entourage such that they took cover and journeyed at in darkness. They crossed through marshes north of Port Hemstin, and at that time it appeared the dragon had caught them. However, a mighty wizard, calling on my blessing to mortals, struck down this dragon. The princess asked this wizard his name and offered reward. He gave his name as Rumen Lel, and disappeared into the marshes. After this tale was told, I informed the bard that the denizens of the Laughing Queen should be blessed with my presence. He agreed, but in order not to shock the audience into a stupor, we hid my divine blessing as though I were a marionette of some kind. The people were pleased, and faith in my glory will grow across the entire face of Abril. Before parting, Gideon suggested we would need a guide for the marshes, which led us to you."
"Well if you looking for Rumen Lel, that's a long time ago! I mean it's 384, so if he was 65 years before we started counting then he'd have to be... so... umm... well he can't live that long. I don't think even them elfs live that long."
"My young acolyte Flods, it is true that this man cannot still live, yet those who pursue my arcane blessings may be granted life after death to continue their work. They are called liches, and they can be unkind to the living."
"So you just come on up to Port Hemstin and find some poor fool to lead you out into the marshes to some living dead thing that hates people?"
"Not at all. My servants carried me north to Port Hemstin. We arrived on the 22nd day of Winter's Reach. They equipped themselves so they are better able to assist me in my divine quest. Then my servants asked their fellow mortals about the name Rumen Lel. They learned that, indeed, there have been rumors regarding the old wizard who lives in the swamp, but none believe he could still live. THEN we found you to guide us."
"I thought them hydras were terrible! You saying there's worse in this cave?"
"Fear not, Flods. You're going to die eventually anyway. Why not let it be in service to the god of magic? Your weak flesh will not be compatible with the slightly less weak flesh of my servants in the journey past this chamber. Wait for my servants here to guide them back once I destroy any evil within. They are unable to take flight, and as such will need your aid to return to Port Hemstin. This chamber should be safe so long as you do not partake of the water or food. I will lead my faithful servants onward past these skeletons and into that hole in the ground, as they are unable to take flight. Stay here in this chamber as we endeavor onward.”
“Alright, your holy mighty eminence divine one, I can wait here. But I do have one question.”
“Yes, Acolyte of the Church of Divine Jonril, Avatar of Berkari, what is your question?”
“Why was that queen laughing? Is it like a joke only them noble people get? Like it’s about a book?”
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Do the asparagus look threatening?
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